Which sentence most needs to be revised because its description is too vague?
Read the sentence.Returning home from the trip, we peeled off our sodden coats, dropped all of our suitcases on the floor, and headed for the kitchen in the back.
Read the passage that Gabriel wrote for his narrative essay.Once we arrived at the local pool, I looked around to see who else was there. Normally, I would have found the kids frolicking and splashing in the water hilarious, but not today. They were cute, but the fact that they were half my age and swimming around like so many ducks just made me feel worse."You nervous?” my mom asked.I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Not really,” I mumbled, trying to hide my shaking hands in my pockets.I don’t think I fooled my mom, but she didn’t comment on the fact that I looked a little green. Instead, she tried to encourage me, saying, "Well, I think it’s really impressive that you’re going to confront your fear of water and learn to swim.”
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Read the list of items that Aditi is planning to include in her narrative essay.1. I stayed after school once to work on the monologue with a teacher.2. I learned about an audition for the spring musical at my school.3. I realized that I need to practice more if I really want a role in the future.4. I went to the audition and barely remembered all my lines.
Read the passage from the end of a narrative essay.When I talk about the experience now, I have mixed emotions. On the one hand, I’m envious of how simple life was before the accident. But on the other, I’ve grown so much as a result of everything that happened that, in an odd way, I’m grateful.
Read the paragraph from Sora’s narrative essay.That day after practice, I was frustrated and stomped home. In fact, I’m embarrassed to say I sulked for the rest of the day. Then my stubborn streak kicked in, and I decided that failure wasn’t an option. I practiced regularly until the day came when I was able to consistently hit the ball.
When planning his narrative essay, should Noam include a section about how his experience affected him?
Read the paraphrase of the story Henrique wrote.The soldiers walked through the rain as they approached the canyon. They’d been traveling for days to reach the dragon’s lair. Finally they arrived. Then the dragon approached, and it roared. Yet, the soldiers faced off with the dragon, despite the noise.
Read the paragraph from Viktoria’s narrative essay.As I read the rules, I became even more nervous. Fifty artists had been accepted to the competition. Each artist would have just three hours to create a painting. The topic of the painting would be revealed right before the artists would be allowed to start, so there was no chance I could brainstorm ideas ahead of time.
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